I’m tired of the ‘families are a mother and a father’ argument against same-sex marriage

Screamed the headline followed by the hammer, “Arguments against same-sex marriage are tired, outdated, and don’t reflect families that already exist.”

An LGBT advocate is up in arms with Representative Lito Atienza's statement on how a family needs a father (male), a mother (female), and children. The writer decided to “unpack” his argument, and going through hers, I decided to do the same---unpack hers.

This is really the same old tired argument we keep seeing used to reject same-sex marriage. The family unit is made up of an adult female and male and their children. That’s it, end of.

Yes, it’s the same. Yes, it’s old. In fact, it’s as old as time as it was the very first institution established by the One who created the heavens and the earth and everything in between including you and me. And because He designed it, only He has the say on what a family is. So yes, that’s it, end of.

But that’s not what families look like even now without the legalization of same-sex marriage. There are so many other shapes that families can take. The nuclear family mold is not the standard. There are single-parent households, blended families, and intergenerational parenting. 

Actually, that’s not what all families look like even back then. Throughout history, men and women have tried to redesign the family but we still go back to the OG.

Yes, the nuclear family is the standard because that’s God’s design. Parents and children define a nuclear family.

Yes, sadly, there are single-parent households. The fact that it is called single-parenting presupposes there are two parents and at least one child.

And, yes, there are blended families. But before they blended, they were a nuclear family.

Yes, there are intergenerational parenting and all of them came from a nuclear family.

What about couples without children, either by choice or because of infertility? Do you reject them too? What about couples with adopted children, children they didn’t give birth to but chose? Are they failing the “purpose” of a marriage?

The standard definition of a family is a unit with parents and children. If there are no children, then they are a couple, as the writer correctly calls them. So couples with children, even if they are adopted, should be considered a family.

As for the purpose of marriage, well, I am no Catholic but since I graduated from a Dominican university, I understand that procreation is one of their theological purposes of marriage but there are also others. It is the same with the evangelical faith. Marriage is expected to, among others, lead to building a family.  Incidentally, Pope Francis recently said that couples who opt to have pets than children are being selfish. He said it, not I.

And besides, what you think a family should look like is moot within the context of same-sex marriage. You can keep thinking that these families are not a “regular” family; so what? Just because a family doesn’t look the way you think a family should doesn’t mean that it’s invalid. 

The writer is right. Just because a family doesn’t look the way anyone thinks a family should doesn’t mean that it’s invalid. Why? Because what you and I think doesn’t matter. It is only what God thinks and says (which He had laid down in the Word) that matters.

Here’s a secret: I don’t give a sh*t whether or not you think that same-sex marriages are immoral or not. You can keep thinking it’s unholy; I just want the right to have it.

The writer should care if Atienza or people like him are part of the committee that will decide whether we will follow the 30 other countries that have legalized it.

She may “just want the right to have it” but it is also the prerogative of our leaders to follow their moral and religious convictions when they vote.

Queer families already exist. There are already families filled with queer people who are bound together not by blood but by love. Rejecting same-sex marriage isn’t going to stop these families from existing; it’ll just make it harder for these people to live.

That is true. Perhaps there is another legal remedy other than recognizing same-sex marriage? Queers are also citizens of the nation who need to be protected but within the bounds of the principles that the leaders adhere to.

The purpose of marriage long ago may have been reproduction, but it stopped being that a long time ago. Marriage is about love, about commitment. Marriage isn’t more or less valid because someone’s semen won the race and impregnated the egg. I don’t know about you, but I think that a marriage between two queer people who love each other might be more reflective of a good marriage than one between two cishet people who can’t stand each other and can’t bear to be in the same room.

When did it stop exactly? Who stopped it?

Yes, “marriage is about love, about commitment” and yes, there are queer couples whose love for each other reflect what marriage is all about in the same way that there are straight couples who demonstrate it too. And then there are queer couples who also “can’t stand each other and can’t bear to be in the same room.” (I don’t know what a cishet is.)

There are many out there who will vote for someone based on whether or not they reject same-sex marriage, are pro-life, and so on.

In the same way that probably some members in the LGBT community will be basing their vote on them as well.

My fellow Pinay, there is a greater family that is for you and me.

While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.”

He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” (Matthew 12:46-50, NIV)

God’s family is not so much about how we love each other but how much God loves us that He sent His only begotten Son to die for us while we were still sinners that we might have everlasting life in heaven with Him, and not perish for eternity.

Who knows? You might get the right that you want but there is no assurance of a happy ending. Queer families have also broken up but with God, there are no broken families, only an assurance of joy that is offered to anyone---gay or straight. We just need to receive and believe in Him “to become children of God” (John 1:12, BSB) and be welcomed to the only OG family that will matter for all eternity.