2019 has proven to be a, well, a very interesting year for me, to put it mildly. It started with doctors suspecting I have the following: myoma, TB, breast cancer, enlarged heart, and hypertension. Only the first two were confirmed.

On the second quarter, I was brought to the ER for dehydration and the subsequent high blood pressure from panicking. On the third leg, the doctors said I had sciatica and piriformis muscle syndrome until lab tests showed I have bursitis. Then on the last quarter, I had UTI as well as a separate incident of high infection level. For someone who’s basically lived a healthy life, 2019 felt obligated to add some hiccups.

 Looking back, I didn’t shed a tear when told about the suspected conditions as well as the confirmed ones. A friend poured buckets of tears instead for me. I chided her, “Why are you crying? I am not dying. We are getting older and our bodies all go through wear and tear.”

Was I being philosophical? Was I in denial? Was it a case of delayed reaction? I don’t know and it doesn’t matter. Oh I am not saying my tear ducts grew cobwebs. Tears did roll. 

• They rolled because my socialization became limited but it made me appreciative of the people who braved traffic and weather conditions to be with me.
• They rolled because of the disappointment over those whom I thought would be there but they were also shed for those whom I didn’t think would be holding my hand.
• They rolled because of the physical loneliness but it helped me to fully understand what it means to enjoy God’s presence even though the fig tree hasn’t bud.
• They rolled because of the fear that enveloped me but I have learned to overcome it one baby step at a time.
• They rolled because the pain has been an unwelcome companion daily for half a year now but it enabled me to minister to people who are in greater pain. One of them, I had been trying to share the gospel with no results for two years now but when she learned of my condition, she listened more carefully and accepted the Lord.

Don’t get me wrong. I still pray for healing but I have stopped looking at the calendar and learned to number my days by being busy for His kingdom. And that is my 20/20 vision.

(With apologies to Joni)

I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

But I know God and I know He is good all the time.